13 Things Nobody Tells You About Having Anxiety

That little voice in your head, that heavy weight on your chest, and that cold feeling that spreads through your entire body? Just a small hint of what having anxiety is really like. Everyone experiences anxiety differently, but these are a few of my experiences...

1. It's not easy to talk about. Despite the social media campaigns and the general rise in awareness,  anxiety is still seen as 'not a real problem', even though stats show around 4.7 in every 100 adults suffer from some form of anxiety disorder in the UK.
2. Sometimes huddling under a pile of pillows and blankets with your favourite TV show on for background noise is the only thing you want to do, because it makes you feel secure. 
3. Nail biting, skin picking, and hair pulling/twirling are all very common in people who have anxiety. We know we do it, we just can't help it. Please don't point it out.
4. The smallest thing will set it off. Anything from a small mistake at work to the cashier looking at you funny in the supermarket can send you into a heart-racing panic. 
5. Pets just get it. They always seem to want a cuddle just when you need it the most. 
6. It can be paralysing. Sitting staring into space and not moving for a period of time is not uncommon. 
7. Temperature control is an issue. Hot flashes, chills, cold hands and feet but racing heart? Sounds very familiar.
8. The simple act of waking up is hard work sometimes. Waking up to a racing heart, halfway through a sentence and immediately thinking you're an hour late for work is a common occurrence.  
9. We don't mean to be clingy. Or distant. And we don't mean to fret so much about being clingy or distant. We just worry we aren't good friends, and it sometimes comes out a bit funny.  
10. We also don't mean to doubt or ignore you when you compliment us or tell us things are OK. Our brains are wired to question and fear everyday things - I really mean it when I say it's not you, it's me. Needing constant reassurance is common for anxiety sufferers.
11. Making small talk at parties can be akin to climbing Everest. It doesn't mean we're antisocial, or hate people, it just means that the voice in our heads makes small talk incredible stressful. 
12. Guilt is a familiar emotion. Guilt for cancelling a date, rearranging lunch with friends, calling in sick to work, and then guilt for feeling like you're burdening people by talking about it. 
13. It's exhausting. Intense anxiety saps your energy, and it feels like you're fighting a constant battle against yourself. It affects everything from energy levels to appetite. 

Sharing a Secret: #Blogtober Day 4

This is a tricky one since any deep, dark personal secrets (which I don't think I have any of??) aren't likely to be things I'll post about on my blog for the world wide web to read, but anything smaller (like, I hate ketchup) is super boring. 

So here's a not-very-well-kept secret that I don't really talk about because reasons. 

I had ME/CFS as a teenager, and it affected me up into my early 20s and I still suffer some of the after-effects now. It affected my energy levels, my concentration, caused depression/IBS/muscle aches/hot and cold flashes and the two I still struggle with most: migraines and anxiety. I don't like to talk about it much, and am probably still in a bit of denial, because I feel like it wasn't as hard for me as it was for others, so I shouldn't complain. And I have a high level of guilt over it as well, because it caused my parents to worry a lot.

Ridiculous, no? I spend so much of my time telling other people their feelings are valid, but don't listen to my own advice. Do as I say, not as I do...

So that's it. Short post, and I'm likely to write more about this as time goes by, but right now at least it's up on the blog and you know! 

Life Renovation

Most people don't wake up one morning and decide to place their physical and mental health at the top of their to-do list. Normally some form of catalyst occurs that kicks people into a new health regime which becomes a way of life. 

Sometimes it's trauma: recovering from an injury or illness, or focusing energy into something new after an emotional break-up, loss, or other life incident. Sometimes it's a positive motivation: a holiday coming up, a milestone birthday, a wedding, maybe all three. Or for some people, it's looking down at the scales or into the mirror and seeing someone they don't recognise. 

As much as I dislike the #sweatingforthewedding hashtag, I have to be honest and say that our September wedding next year is a big motivator for me to get up off my butt, stop watching Sherlock reruns, and do something productive. I was going to yoga twice a week, going for the odd jog, and that was about it.

Let's Get Personal: Bad Days

Hello, hello. Time to talk about something that plagues us all, but we don't often discuss it: bad days. We've all had them - days that start out badly, and just continue on from there. Sometimes they can be a hangover from the day before, if worry or anxiety or PMS or anything is playing on your mind. For me, 99% of the time a bad day is caused by anxiety, and that in itself is something I tend to keep on the QT...but that's a post for another day.

I thought I'd write out a wee list of things that have proven really helpful for me in the past, when I'm dealing with a really foul mood, a bout of anxiety, or just a general 'WTF is today' mood. This list won't help everyone, since we all deal with things in our own particular ways, but this is what helps me if I'm feeling particularly low and need to be picked up.

1. Netflix and binge. I can't be the only one who reaches for Netflix every time they feel crappy? Right now I'm marathoning Orange Is The New Black and Grey's Anatomy (tissues, anyone?). Candles lit, curtains shut, chocolate bar in hand, the evening is set. The only word of advice I have is limit whatever you're watching to a certain timeframe or amount of episodes, or you're likely to waste the day completely or stay up hideously late and in return feel worse than you did before.  

2. Get up and get out. The polar opposite to disappearing into your sofa with a bowl or popcorn and the remote? Getting up and going outdoors. Having a dog is a great way to force you outside, as the damn things seem to need walking all the time (love you Loganface!), and having a companion is always preferable to walking solo. I love a good jog, or a hot and sweaty yoga session, both will never fail to clear my head.

3. Escapism. Reading is it for me, but some people prefer music, art or movies. Anything that takes your mind away from where you are, and transports you somewhere far away is incredibly therapeutic. I've always been an advocate for art classes for those with depression/mental health issues, as I've seen some people come away feeling relaxed and rebooted, so anything you can do in your own home/surroundings to achieve that is something to work on.

4. Reach out. You know how they say that talking helps? It's true. On many occasions, I've dug myself into a pit of depression over something, sometimes lasting days, and waited too long to talk to anyone about it. Whether your worries are based on legitimate concerns or not, talking to a friend can help alleviate the feeling that you're struggling on alone. Sometimes a ten-minute phone call does the trick, sometimes a trip to the shops, or an hour-long Facetime session. When your friends are scattered everywhere from down the road to the opposite side of the globe, it can be hard to coordinate schedules, but good friends are always there no matter what. 

5. Little things, big help. Shower, coffee, tidying the kitchen, playing with the cats - there will be unlimited things that you do daily which give you a small lift, so go do them. Even if you just had a cuppa ten minutes ago - have another. Have a bath with rose petals and a glass of wine. Snuggle with your pets under a blanket. Whatever works, no matter how small.

6. Set a goal, and make a start. A lot of the time, feelings of sadness and failure stem from not feeling adequate. I can tell you right now: those feelings are not real, and you are ALWAYS enough. But I know how easy it is to succumb to a negative mindset. So setting a goal and hitting it, however small, is a great way to boost your self-esteem. Anything from a trip to the shop, paying that bill you've been putting off, or hitting a PB, whatever works for you.

7. Plan a trip. With friends, family, or significant other; it doesn't matter. Get the diary open and a date pencilled in. Broke? Go to the park or a museum, anything free will do just fine, as long as you get to spend time with those closest to you.

Let me know what you do on a bad day, and if anything on my list helps you as well as it helps me!

PS: How cute is the sign in the photo? Taken at our stunning wedding venue - only a year and a bit to go!!